Yep, that's right. Alone. Amie backed out. I honestly knew it all along. She has so much on her plate, and it just never ends. So it looks like this Princess is on her own ...at least until the starting line. I'm sure I'll befriend a few more princesses. We'll see. :)
I have about 208 more days until the 1/2. And today was the first day in a week that I ran. I didn't do the C25K.. I did Amie's regimen, and I honestly was out of breath the ENTIRE workout, weight training included. I felt like it was the first time I ever stepped into a gym. But I know it'll get better, and I know I'll get better. Tomorrow is back on the C25K app, and spending my days at the gym. :)
And although I haven't ran in a week, and it really hurt me to do it today, last week was so worth it. But now I have to get back on the grind and start losing weight and training again. I hate the restart, though it's completely my fault that it happens. *sighs* Why can't women have the luck of men and just lose weight standing there? It's so unfair! Ah well, working for it makes the result better I guess.
Alright.. short post... I have some dishes to do, then wait for Jeff to get home so I can hit the sheets and rest up for tomorrow's session. Until next time, fellow Princesses! :)
oxoxoxo.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Week 2 = pushing my limits.. whew.
So it's week 2, day 1 of my C25K, and holy... crap.
Training for the Princess is going to be a lot harder than I thought. But one step at a time..I'll get there. :) Moving on.. I think this post is going to be a little more personal because I need to remind myself where I am, and where I was, and what I'm working towards.
5 1/2 years ago, I was diagnosed with one of life's biggest obstacles : Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. At the time, I didn't realize how much my life would change, and how much having PCOS would affect every single aspect of my life. I was always athletic, and fit. I played sports my entire life. I was always doing extracurricular activities. My body never really regulated itself, but it was always told to me that it was just me being so active. Then I moved in with my husband in 2004, and within a year, I gained around 100lbs. I didn't change my eating, or anything of the sort. After being diagnosed, I realized that it was the PCOS that made me gain the weight. I started treatments because Jeff and I wanted to start a family. I went through rigorous testing, was at the doctor's office every other day for 2-3 weeks at a time. Oral medication never worked on me, so we tried injections. We even went through a cycle where we were able to try to get pregnant, but on July 4th, 2009, it failed.
I went through depression, and emotional hell. I felt alone, even when people were around me. I wasn't happy. My marriage almost went up in flames. My friendships were dissolving. I couldn't focus on my job. I freaked out everytime I heard the word baby, or pregnancy, or read it somewhere online. I cut people out who I knew were pregnant. Because no one understood. If you're not dealing with infertility, you have no idea. You don't know how it feels for your body to fail. To not be able to do the one thing that a woman is supposed to do. I felt incomplete. I still do. I hit complete rock bottom. And it took me a long time to get to where I am today. I realized I couldn't give up. I couldn't give up on my family, my friends, my husband who has been my rock though all of this, but most important.. I couldn't give up on me. I have always known that I was put on this earth to be a mother. I deserve to be a mother. I know I would be a damn good one.
So here I am, working through my pain. Working through my hell, to fight for what I want. I still really can't handle being pregnant or just having babies (just take a look at my hide list on Facebook). I've gone through miscarriages, and a loss of an adoption. I've gone through losing a lawsuit and not being able to cover my meds/treatments. And through all of this, I've realized my strength. I realize I can do this. I am a fighter. And I can't allow this disease to take over my life once again. I can't hit rock bottom again.
Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of myself for being 40lbs down. I'm proud of myself for working my butt off to get myself healthier. But there will always be a part of me that will ask "Okay, how much longer do I have to wait until it's my turn?" "How much harder will I have to work to get my dream?" I know that I'm 40% closer to being where I need/want to be. And though I want a baby more than anything right now, I am focusing on me. I need to be selfish. I need to think about me, my health, my life. I want to be a healthy mom-to-be. I don't want to have to worry about being on medications or complications with anything. I want to be myself again.
I'm really happy that I came across the Princess. It gives me a goal. A focus. And when I cross that finish line, every single pound, every struggle, every day will come flooding back to me and make me realize what I've gone through to get there. And right then, at that moment, I know it'll be one of the proudest moments of my life. I'm proud of myself now. I'm proud of myself after training with the C25K, even though right after I feel like I'm going to fall over lol. I like the feeling of accomplishment. I love feeling great, and healthy and ...wait for it.... HAPPY. That never really happened that often for such a long time. :)
So I'm going to take it one day at a time. One training session at a time. And I'm going to run with all of the other awesome princesses. And I WILL cross that finish line. And I promise myself here and now.. that the Princess finish line won't be only finish line I will cross. I WILL have my dreams come true, and I will be a mom. One way or another, I will have my own to love. But for now, I need to learn how to love myself. I need to focus on the only one who really matters, right here, right now. Me. <3
And of course, I want to take a moment to thank each and every one of my supporters, my friends, my family, and my husband. Without any of you, I wouldn't be here, writing this. Thank you for the hugs, the encouraging words, the shoulders to cry on, and the ears to vent to. I love you all, and appreciate you beyond words. Thank you.
Time for this Princess to clean around the house, have a protein shake, and relax! :)
Until next time..
Training for the Princess is going to be a lot harder than I thought. But one step at a time..I'll get there. :) Moving on.. I think this post is going to be a little more personal because I need to remind myself where I am, and where I was, and what I'm working towards.
5 1/2 years ago, I was diagnosed with one of life's biggest obstacles : Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. At the time, I didn't realize how much my life would change, and how much having PCOS would affect every single aspect of my life. I was always athletic, and fit. I played sports my entire life. I was always doing extracurricular activities. My body never really regulated itself, but it was always told to me that it was just me being so active. Then I moved in with my husband in 2004, and within a year, I gained around 100lbs. I didn't change my eating, or anything of the sort. After being diagnosed, I realized that it was the PCOS that made me gain the weight. I started treatments because Jeff and I wanted to start a family. I went through rigorous testing, was at the doctor's office every other day for 2-3 weeks at a time. Oral medication never worked on me, so we tried injections. We even went through a cycle where we were able to try to get pregnant, but on July 4th, 2009, it failed.
I went through depression, and emotional hell. I felt alone, even when people were around me. I wasn't happy. My marriage almost went up in flames. My friendships were dissolving. I couldn't focus on my job. I freaked out everytime I heard the word baby, or pregnancy, or read it somewhere online. I cut people out who I knew were pregnant. Because no one understood. If you're not dealing with infertility, you have no idea. You don't know how it feels for your body to fail. To not be able to do the one thing that a woman is supposed to do. I felt incomplete. I still do. I hit complete rock bottom. And it took me a long time to get to where I am today. I realized I couldn't give up. I couldn't give up on my family, my friends, my husband who has been my rock though all of this, but most important.. I couldn't give up on me. I have always known that I was put on this earth to be a mother. I deserve to be a mother. I know I would be a damn good one.
So here I am, working through my pain. Working through my hell, to fight for what I want. I still really can't handle being pregnant or just having babies (just take a look at my hide list on Facebook). I've gone through miscarriages, and a loss of an adoption. I've gone through losing a lawsuit and not being able to cover my meds/treatments. And through all of this, I've realized my strength. I realize I can do this. I am a fighter. And I can't allow this disease to take over my life once again. I can't hit rock bottom again.
Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of myself for being 40lbs down. I'm proud of myself for working my butt off to get myself healthier. But there will always be a part of me that will ask "Okay, how much longer do I have to wait until it's my turn?" "How much harder will I have to work to get my dream?" I know that I'm 40% closer to being where I need/want to be. And though I want a baby more than anything right now, I am focusing on me. I need to be selfish. I need to think about me, my health, my life. I want to be a healthy mom-to-be. I don't want to have to worry about being on medications or complications with anything. I want to be myself again.
I'm really happy that I came across the Princess. It gives me a goal. A focus. And when I cross that finish line, every single pound, every struggle, every day will come flooding back to me and make me realize what I've gone through to get there. And right then, at that moment, I know it'll be one of the proudest moments of my life. I'm proud of myself now. I'm proud of myself after training with the C25K, even though right after I feel like I'm going to fall over lol. I like the feeling of accomplishment. I love feeling great, and healthy and ...wait for it.... HAPPY. That never really happened that often for such a long time. :)
So I'm going to take it one day at a time. One training session at a time. And I'm going to run with all of the other awesome princesses. And I WILL cross that finish line. And I promise myself here and now.. that the Princess finish line won't be only finish line I will cross. I WILL have my dreams come true, and I will be a mom. One way or another, I will have my own to love. But for now, I need to learn how to love myself. I need to focus on the only one who really matters, right here, right now. Me. <3
And of course, I want to take a moment to thank each and every one of my supporters, my friends, my family, and my husband. Without any of you, I wouldn't be here, writing this. Thank you for the hugs, the encouraging words, the shoulders to cry on, and the ears to vent to. I love you all, and appreciate you beyond words. Thank you.
Time for this Princess to clean around the house, have a protein shake, and relax! :)
Until next time..
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
From my couch.. to Disney Princess Half Marathon!! :)
Okay, well I have to say I haven't written a blog post in a long time, so please bear with me. :) I'm starting this blog to track my progress as I make my way to my first ever 1/2 marathon - in Disney! For all of you that know me, know that I'm beyond addicted to Disney World. When I found out about the Disney Princess Half Marathon, I immediately decided to make it one of my weight loss goals, and here I am, running and training to cross that finish line.
When I started this weight loss journey, I didn't expect to be where I am today. I honestly thought that this would just be another one of my "things" where I get all motivated and determined for about 2 weeks, then fall off of the wagon and start living my old life again, eating bad, and not caring. But here I am, 7 months later, 40lbs down, and I'm still going. I think I get more and more proud of myself everyday that I stay on track. Of course, I've done what any person that is in the middle of changing her life will do.. I've fallen off course quite a few times. And I didn't think it would affect me, but it actually makes me feel like crap. Once I get back on, I start to feel great again. I think that's why I'm not giving up, or at least that's one of the reasons why I won't stop what I'm doing.
I hated myself. I hated who I was. I knew I needed to change it. So January 13th, I changed my life. I started eating clean, and working out. And now, 7 months later, I'm training for a 1/2 marathon! I can't believe it! This has been quite a journey, and I've realized recently that it really is a emotional and mental struggle. I've fought against myself so many times. This hasn't been easy whatsoever, especially with everything I have going on. But I've somehow did it. I've pushed through the obstacles, and have made myself better. I still fight with myself constantly, and I still can't stand to look in the mirror, because as they say.. you will always see the old you while everyone else sees the new you. I need to get myself past that fat girl I see in the mirror, and I will someday. But for now, I'm just going to focus on getting myself healthy, happy, and guaranteed to cross that finish line. I can't wait to have my dream come true, and to get that medal. It's going to mean the world to me, I know it. :)
Alright, enough of my babbling.. lol. I need to rest up, get some sleep, and get ready to start week 2 on my C25k! :) Until next time!
Oh..and here's a picture to show my progress in the last few months, and to remind myself of how far I've gotten.. and how far I will continue to go! :)
When I started this weight loss journey, I didn't expect to be where I am today. I honestly thought that this would just be another one of my "things" where I get all motivated and determined for about 2 weeks, then fall off of the wagon and start living my old life again, eating bad, and not caring. But here I am, 7 months later, 40lbs down, and I'm still going. I think I get more and more proud of myself everyday that I stay on track. Of course, I've done what any person that is in the middle of changing her life will do.. I've fallen off course quite a few times. And I didn't think it would affect me, but it actually makes me feel like crap. Once I get back on, I start to feel great again. I think that's why I'm not giving up, or at least that's one of the reasons why I won't stop what I'm doing.
I hated myself. I hated who I was. I knew I needed to change it. So January 13th, I changed my life. I started eating clean, and working out. And now, 7 months later, I'm training for a 1/2 marathon! I can't believe it! This has been quite a journey, and I've realized recently that it really is a emotional and mental struggle. I've fought against myself so many times. This hasn't been easy whatsoever, especially with everything I have going on. But I've somehow did it. I've pushed through the obstacles, and have made myself better. I still fight with myself constantly, and I still can't stand to look in the mirror, because as they say.. you will always see the old you while everyone else sees the new you. I need to get myself past that fat girl I see in the mirror, and I will someday. But for now, I'm just going to focus on getting myself healthy, happy, and guaranteed to cross that finish line. I can't wait to have my dream come true, and to get that medal. It's going to mean the world to me, I know it. :)
Alright, enough of my babbling.. lol. I need to rest up, get some sleep, and get ready to start week 2 on my C25k! :) Until next time!
Oh..and here's a picture to show my progress in the last few months, and to remind myself of how far I've gotten.. and how far I will continue to go! :)
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